David and I found a house in Pekin we’re going to move in to!
now, as much as Pekin SUCKS, it’s in a good neighborhood, it’s at a dead-end road, close to gas stations, grocery stores, etc. spacious yard, dogs are allowed, two bedrooms(probably having a roommate), big basement, spacious one-car garage; all clean and furbished. I have 3 full storage units full of anything you could need for house/farm/garage, everything. I’m so excited, I can’t wait to go back tomorrow and hopefully start to move in.
fingers crossed that it’s not too good to be true!
gosh Tyler, you’re just the best. this literally brought tears to my eyes. I love you so much. I would do anything for you and will always be there, no matter what. you know that, and vice versa. I’d like to see you as soon as possible. you, me, Emma, and Liam? dinner. skinny love. drinks after the little man is in bed. reconnecting. I could really use that.
we have honestly had some of the best memories I have and will ever had. I hold you very close to my heart Tyler, and never forget that. I’m just a phone call away, remember that. :)
you couldn’t have picked a better time to tell me this. I love you Tyler, you’re my best friend and I know I can always count on you.
I WANT TO ACT IN MOVIES AND I WANT TO MAKE MOVIES AND I WANT TO WRITE MOVIES AND I WANT TO CAST MOVIES AND I WANT TO CATER MOVIES AND I WANT TO TOUCH MOVIES LET ME MOVIES
to wake up in the morning and not feel the anxiety in my body collecting at the pit of my stomach would be something so grand, I can’t even fathom it. especially since my mom passed this month last year, my anxiety has hit record numbers. I can’t even remember the last time I woke up and felt like everything was okay. I wake up and worry. I worry about death finding those whom I love before it finds me and that I’ll spend a lot of my life alone. I worry that I’m not pleasing my brother, my mother’s firstborn. I worry that I’m not as good to David as I’d like to be.
I worry, worry, worry. it makes me nauseous, therefore I don’t eat until nighttime when I get a momentary break in my constant worrying. it’s eating me alive and making into someone I don’t want to be. it wakes me up at night, it keeps me awake so I barely even sleep, it is consuming me and my mom always told me, “don’t be like me when you’re my age. don’t be full of worry. it will kill you. you must try your best to enjoy life.” yet, I’m stuck in neutral and I feel like it will never get better.
I want so badly to be freed of all of my guilt, my sadness, and my worry. all of the “what ifs” could drive me mad. there are so many things I would have done differently knowing I wouldn’t have my mother with me for very long..
the only comfort I feel right now is that at least it’s daytime and when I get anxious, I can cry all day and hopefully clear my mind enough to take my sleeping pills and sleep through the night.
Death Cab For Cutie - Soul Meets Body
“I do believe it’s true,
That there are roads left in both of our shoes,
If the silence takes you,
Then I hope it takes me too,
So brown eyes I hold you near,
Cause you’re the only song I want to hear,
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere.”
(Source: tree-villagex)∞ Permalink